Bernard’s Tips On How To Survive A Zombie Apocalypse.

If a zombie outbreak suddenly strikes as it did in the Great Outbreak Of 2015 then you need to be prepared to survive. You probably will not get a warning as and when an outbreak might strike or understand what caused it but what you do know is that life will never be the same again and that surviving is now going to be the only purpose you live for and you will need to fight to survive.

how to survive a zombie apocalypse zombies

If there is a sudden outbreak and it looks like society as we know it is going to collapse then you need to stock up on some essentials if possible.

These essentials are…

  1. Food & Water
  2. Fuel for the car if you have one or a generator
  3. Weapons
  4. Tools and a variety of fixings like screws
  5. Wood and coal or gas bottles for fires and cooking.
  6. Solar or wind equipment if you can get your hands on them.
  7. Books on survival, biology and science.

Ideally if you can, you should have much of these already in place ready for the day something like this happens but I know that many of us are not like those American Patriots who are armed to the teeth and holed up in some self made nuclear bunker buried in a mountain side crammed full of tinned food.

Most people in the west live from day to day and do not have an emergency food store full of tinned foods or a small shed full of firewood and fuels. I am working on the fact that you do not have anything ready for such a zombie outbreak.

Preparing For The Zombie Apocalypse The Day It Strikes

You will know something is happening when all of the TV and radio stations are interrupted constantly with news reports and repeatedly playing emergency broadcasts. You might also notice a lot of police, emergency services and military personnel have suddenly filled the streets and towns.

These people might be a hinderance to your survival plans while they try to contain the outbreak, maintain law & order and authority over the situation and population.

The first tip would be to not do anything rash or stupid and get yourself arrested or shot by the authorities, so if they are getting in your way then I suggest you find an alternative place to get your essential items during the initial panic days.

Panic will set in and there will be a dog eat dog world mentality as people are running around trying to get home to safety or gather essential goods, fighting may break out between people, rioting could occur when the police and military try to prevent looting and may even open fire on the panicking crowds.

The Seven Must Haves For Surviving The Zombie Apocalypse

1. Food & Water – If you have a car I suggest you get to a supermarket fast and get stocked up how to survive a zombie apocalypse foodon food, if there are no staff take anything and everything that you find with a long shelf life and is nutritious but leave the frozen food alone as the chances are there will soon be a power cut.

If possible stock up on bags of BBQ bricks and charcoal for cooking fuel. If there are still staff taking money, max out your credit or debit cards, your survival is more important to worry about than any debt, the society is going to change, power cuts will hit and the economic system is going to crash so there will likely be no money or debts to worry about in the future and if society does one day return to some kind of normality it will be hard to trace all debts and debtors.

Besides you will be alive and if one day you do need to pay money back to the banks and credit cards then you will happily do so because you are still ALIVE! If you do not have a car then get yourself to the nearest store and stock up on as much food and water as you can get back home, load up a shopping trolley with tinned foods and bottled water and push that home avoiding any infected people you might come across.

Fresh food is ok but it will not last long and the emphasis now is to have food that is ok which can feed you for weeks rather than food which is brilliant but will last just a few days.

2. Car Fuel – If you do have a car I suggest you go to the nearest petrol station and fill up the tank and any containers you can find which have secure lids. This fuel is essential should the apocalypse last longer than expected and you need to go out looking for more food. If you have a generator then you will need fuel to run that too.

This fuel needs to be used very sparingly because once the outbreak hits and society collapses there will be no more deliveries of fuel to the local stations. The military will take control of it and if they decide to pass it out to the public later it will be severely rationed.You will find long queues at petrol stations and possible violence as panicking people become impatient, the police and military may take over some stations and if that is the closest one to you you might have to take what they allow you.

If you can get to another station that is less crowded and not under military control then that would be better. It might be worth taking a weapon with you in the car to defend yourself should anyone turn on you or worse than that, should a bite-ie attack you.

3. Weapons – Weapons are a must when a zombie outbreak strikes, if the zombie outbreak is caused by a virus which is spread via them attacking non infected people or simply that zombies need to feed on any warm flesh then you are going to have to fight and kill them to survive which means you are going to need something that is very sharp, long, or can cause a lot of immediate damage like a gun.

For people in the U.S.A. they can head to one of the many gun shops they seem to have next to schools but for us here in Europe getting our hands on guns is a lot more difficult.

how to survive a zombie apocalypse weapons

The best places to find guns and ammunition are usually military bases, police stations, specialised farm shops and farmers homes. The chances of getting into a military installation at a time like this is going to be hard unless it has been evacuated due to being over run by bite-ies and if that is the case, trying to successfully find guns in a zombie infested army base is going to be hard and fraught with danger.

If the army couldn’t hold them back what are you as one person without a gun going to do? I would recommend going to the larger local farms in your area and hope that the farmer and their family are no longer there and that any bite-ies in the area have fled looking for fresh food.

Farmers are one of the few people in the U.K. that can legally and easily own guns.If the farmers are not dead then you run the risk of being fired upon as they defend their own lives and property. If they are dead then you might still have the issue of searching for the gun cabinet and ammo while dodging zombies wandering around the house.

4. Tools – Next on my list of things you need to have to hand during a zombie apocalypse and social collapse is a good tool box full of hand tools. Battery and power tools are no good, not once the power infrastructure has collapsed.

You will need…

  1. A hammer. how to survive a zombie apocalypse tools
  2. Tape measure.
  3. Hand drill + drill bits.
  4. An axe.
  5. A saw.
  6. A collection of screwdrivers.
  7. Spanners.
  8. Wire cutters & bolt croppers.
  9. Allen keys.
  10. Chisels.
  11. And a good selection of fixings like screws and nails.

If you already have these tools then that is great, if not then you need to get some, either take them from places like the farmers house, military bases or the supermarket if they have them if not I suggest a trip to the nearest DIY Home superstore like B&Q or a builders merchants.

While at the builders merchants grab a selection of window and door locks to help make your home more secure to prevent window sashes being yanked open. Several rolls of tape like duct and masking tape would come in handy too, I shall cover why having a few rolls of masking tape in your house is a must later.

If you are able to find and load into your car some timber or steel bars to cover doors and windows then do, also if you do not have a BBQ or camping stove at home then I would take a BBQ as they will be ideal to cook on when the power and gas stop flowing. I shall cover make shift cooking stoves and fires later.

While you are gathering things from the local DIY superstore or builders merchants it would be a good idea to take a roll or two of barbed razor wire or a roll of metal fencing. Remember when times get hard it won’t just be zombies who will be trying to penetrate your safe zone, there will be a lot of non infected desperate people who will smell your cooking and see your smoke and want to come and take your supplies often by violent force.

5. Cooking & Heating – A zombie outbreak is not going to be a few days affair, it is going to be long and hard, not days, not weeks and possibly not months. This is going to be a major collapse of society and services and could go on for a year or several. You will need to eat and keep warm and when winter strikes in the U.K. it can be very bitterly cold so you are going to need fuel to feed fires and stoves.

If you have a camping stove at home or got one when gathering your supplies you need to get as many gas bottles as you can carry so that you can cook food and maybe have some warmth when it gets cold. A trip to a camping store is also recommend on your scavenger hunts during those vital first few days of the outbreak. If you have a BBQ or home made stove to cook on and use as a fire then BBQ bricks are a must, gather as much as you can.

The tools you have collected will be vital when it comes to gathering up wood for fires, you can start looking around the house and cutting up floors, doors and furniture but that should be a last resort thing. You need to keep your home as safe and as habitable as possible to keep your health both physical and mental on top form.

how to survive a zombie apocalypse forest

If you live near a forest then a trip to gather up as many fallen branches and logs as possible has to be done so that you have wood ready for when the services stop. Gather as much as you can and put them in a spare room in the house, it might not be your ideal interior design accessory but times have changed, your priority is survival and having firewood stored in your house not only limits the amount of times you go outside exposing yourself to bite-ies but it also dries the wood out for burning.

Green (wet) branches are harder to burn, they kick out a lot of smoke and the tree sap inside of them can expand in the heat causing bubbles to explode throwing hot burning chunks of wood and sap onto the floor. This spitting as it is called is a fire hazard. I know, it is a bit of a paradox, a fire is needed for survival but mismanaged it could lead to your death!

Old pallets are ideal for firewood and can be found quicker than logs and branches in built up urban areas.Many factories and businesses in the area will have them laying around their grounds. Pallets come with a combination of both thin and thicker wood with some coming with blocks that can burn for hours giving off a good heat.

how to survive a zombie apocalypse pallets

Pallets are also great as they can be stripped or used as a whole to board up doors and windows adding extra security to your home, they can also be turned quickly into World War 2 beach style defences and walls dotted around outside your house creating a rush barrier.

6. Solar & Wind Equipment – This one is for the more determined and adventurous of the you, during the first few days of panic before the area has (hopefully) been securely locked down by the authorities and turned into a Safe Zone like South Rampton I advise you to find a store that specialises in solar and/or wind power devices and make off with some panels, turbines, batteries and everything that you need to successfully generate power in your own home.

Generating your own electricity can allow you to keep your home bathed in light so you are not scared of every dark corner or moving shadow. It also means that you can boil water in kettles, use other household machines like microwaves and charge up batteries on tools or phones.

how to survive a zombie apocalypse solar wind

Survival success can depending on knowledge, as they say knowledge is power and it is vitally important to keep informed so having power means that you can, from time to time, switch on the radio or T.V. to see if there is any new news and information or test out your mobile phone and maybe even internet to see if networks have been restored.

7. Knowledge Base – This is a must however it is not as important as the others, some may argue that for longer survival success that this might be the MOST important thing to do but you cannot read books if you have starved or frozen to death.

The local library or book shop (if there is one still in your town in this internet reliant day and age) should have books on survival techniques, biology and sciences like understanding electronics and chemistry.

You should gather up a small library of these books, because they will become very useful for long term survival. When society crashes and there is no power, no work to go to, no shops to buy from and the only thing you can do other than look for food and firewood is sit in your home trying to avoid zombies or looters breaking in you will have a lot of time to sit and think or do nothing.

Reading up on subjects like How To Do Basic Household Electrics can help you get those solar power panels or wind turbines up and running or learning how to skin a rabbit and make a rabbit stew could have you eating better than many of the other survivors out there. Books on mushrooms and edible plants could teach you that there is a healthy hamper of edible plants that you didn’t know existed growing in and around your area.

You can learn a lot from books and remember the internet will be down, the old method of searching for stuff on your laptop, tablet and smartphone using Google is no longer an option. You are going to need to learn how to hunt for food, make a bow and arrow, how to fish and plenty more necessary life skills that you are going to need to survive if the zombie apocalypse is to last for some time and you are going to fend for yourself outside the walls of a military controlled safe zone.

warning signs medium bite-es

Once The Zombie Outbreak Is Fully Upon Society.

Hopefully now you should have a house full of essential tools, fuel, firewood and food & water but you cannot rest comfortably, there is a lot to do still. The bite-ies are running around wild attacking anything that is warm blooded and not infected so you need to prevent them, and looters, from entering your safe zone and either killing you, turning you into a ‘bite-ie’ or taking your essential stuff.

1. Securing Your Personal Safe Zone… If you managed to get extra door and window locks fitboarded up windows them, for any windows that you do not need opening which is going to be all of them on the downstairs level , screw them to the frame so they cannot be opened.

If you managed to amassed many pallets of spare wood for fire you could cut some of it up to be fitted over the windows on the inside. Nailing them is ok but screws are stronger and create a more solid fixing which are harder to kick and push off.

Glass in doors and windows which are not fully boarded over should have masking tape stuck on them in a cris cross fashion to prevent glass being shattered and thrown at you should a group of zombies or looters suddenly attack your home.

This was done during the Blitz period of the Second World War and it was to prevent further death and injury by sharp shards of flying glass.

2. Cooking Food & Keeping Warm… Now that you have plenty of tinned food you will need something to cook it all on, while the gas and electricity is working fine there is no issues for you but once that goes you will need to cook on something. You could use the BBQ but you do not want to be cooking outside where bite-ies and people can smell your food and smoke inviting them to attack you with very little warning.

There are many ways to make a stove to cook on inside the house when services stop, finding items made from metal is best as metal is more robust to heat so things like steel barrels, empty gas bottles, washing machine drums, old water tanks and even a pair of car wheels (minus the tyres) can make a great stove to cook on as well as doubling up into a fire which is essential for keeping yourself warm.

how to survive a zombie apocalypse food home made stoves

Ideally if you had the time and tools welding the two wheels together and cutting a hatch into it so you can add and remove wood and charcoal would make it a complete safe to use stove but as we know, during a zombie apocalypse welding tools and electricity might be hard to come by.

An open flame stove using firewood and coals cannot be used on a wooden floor safely, it should be placed either on a concrete floor, a paving slab if you have one or inside a fireplace. If your home has a gas or electric fire I recommend disconnecting it and pulling it out to open up any chimney and placing your stove there so the smoke can at least go up the chimney and out of the house. You do not want your living room filled up with smoke if you can help it.

Modern gas fires should be connected to a gas valve which can be turned to close it making dismantling of the fire easy, make sure the valve is closed in case the gas services is turned back on as the countries infrastructure is slowly being repaired. The last thing you want is to come home after a zombie slaying mission or a food/fuel scavenger hunt to find the house filled with leaking gas or for it to start pissing gas out while you are cooking on an open flame stove in the fireplace! Not a good idea.

3. Harvesting Rainwater…. Once the outbreak has been going on for a few days or weeks you will be getting low on clean bottled drinking water especially if the water service has stopped flowing. This is going to be difficult but I would suggest that you divert rainwater pipes which run down the side of your house from the guttering in through a window in your bathroom and into the bath.

how to survive a zombie apocalypse harvesting rainwater

You could fully board the bathroom window from the inside leaving the sash open and a hole in your boarding for the pipe to go through. Personally I suggest ripping out the fan that is in the wall near the shower if you have one as it will have a small hole through the wall big enough for a water pipe but completely secure to any zombie hands.

Diverted water can be collected in the bath and water can be added to buckets if it gets close to overflowing, this water is crucial for drinking and cleaning. It is pretty clean as it has fallen from the skies but for safety all water that you drink should be boiled well before use.

4. Quick And Easy Fuel Free Transportation… You are going to need to go out and find food how to survive the zombie apocalypse tips bikeand maybe fuel and medicines, even if you do manage to collect rainwater and harness wind or solar energy making your zombie apocalypse that much easier to live with you will still need to venture out. For that I recommend that you have a pedal bike, if you have your own that’s great, if not, there should be plenty of spares about near you.

As the infection takes hold many of your neighbours would have been killed or turned or even taken to a military run refugee safe zone meaning that there are countless garages and sheds around you all hiding a quality free treader.  (Bike)

A bike is excellent for travelling around town as it is quiet, faster than a running bite-ie easy to maneuver, can fit down narrow alleys and passageways, ridden over foot bridges, does not require fuel, can be mounted and dismounted easily and quickly and also keeps you fit. Staying strong and healthy is very important for your survival during a zombie apocalypse.

A treader can have you shooting across town like a stealth bomber running all kinds of covert missions looking for food and fuel.

5. Wear Protective Clothing…When out during any missions foraging for food or fuel it is best to be wrapped up well with long sleeves and jeans. Clothing wants to cover your skin to prevent scratches and bites breaking the skin when the bite-ies make passing lunges at you. Idealy they want to be fairly tight fitting too otherwise they could get a hold of baggy clothing and pull you back.

Backpacks are essential for gathering up goods during these missions out into the infected areas so do what I do and wear the backpack on your front. It makes it hard for any zombie to grab and it is easier for you to access. You can load it without taking it off and you can get to any weapons that you might be holding in it faster than if it was on your back.

Shoes are probably the most important factor though, you are going to be doing a lot of walking and running during a zombie apocalypse so you need to wear footwear that is both sturdy and very comfortable. You won’t want to go hunting for food in your slippers or breaking into a zombie filled supermarket in high heels so make sure you wear the right shoes for going out into the infected area, you could be running for miles and possible hours!

Walking shoes and trainers would be the ideal footwear for any missions outside of your safe zone.

Finally: How To Kill A Zombie Properly.

This is the section that you are really waiting for… the bite-ies are going to be remorseless and relentless on attacking people for food and to spread the virus which turned them. They will grab at you and bite you at every opportunity they get.

They have no feelings and emotions and are now completely void of any human reasoning and consciousness they once had before they became infected, it is IMPORTANT THAT YOU REMEMBER THIS. They are NO LONGER the people they once were. Understanding that will make slaying them easier.

A zombie is still a living biological entity which is driven by the brain and the heart, as long as both of these are functioning a bite-ie will keep on attacking people. Even if they have no legs to run at you or arms to reach out for you they will still keep biting out and try going for you. They will NOT STOP unless you stop them first.

The two best ways to kill them is to kill the heart or the brain, just as they say in that old classic zombie film Shaun Of The Dead, the best way to kill them is to remove their heads. This is a good idea but how many people apart from myself carry an authentic and very sharp Samurai sword that can remove a head quickly and smoothly?

how to survive a zombie apocalypse bernard cooper

If you have a gun then a shot to the head and heart area should be enough to do the damage but I prefer to err on the side of caution and make sure that any zombies I kill are definitely dead by using a triple slaying method I call the Slish Slash Slosh slaying system. Based on the saying bish bash bosh popular in and around Bolton, it reminds me to make sure that I put 3 bullets into a bite-ie or if using a sword or lance style weapon that I give the zombie 3 good jabs to the heart and head area inducing wounds that will destroy the heart or brain.

I recommend going for the head as it is an easier target and a good blow to the head can cause the damage needed where as a jab to the chest could miss the heart completely and result in a wound or damage that the zombie can ignore and live with, it will not stop them coming for you.

I do not want to go thinking a zombie was dead only for it to suddenly spring to life again and attack me when my guard is down. Obviously if I have taken the zombies head clean off with the slish then I do not need to finish off with the slash slosh but I might still stick a blade or bullet through the heart, it is now a habit.

If there are many zombies coming at me then I will not have sufficient time to carry out the full Slish Slash Slosh instead the time is best spent focusing on the other rampaging bite-ies. If you find yourself in that position then with whatever means you are using to slay or maim the zombies try to cause maximum damage and death as quick as possible to as many as possible and go back to finish them off if you can later or get the hell out of the area fast!

slish slash slosh with button

Slish Slash Slosh is the sure fire way to know that any zombie is fully finished off, it might use up more bullets than I would like but safety first is the priority, I want to make sure that I am safe and not at risk of being bitten and infected. And neither do you, when you are out on your missions make sure you keep your mind sharp and focused on what is going on all around you at every second and should you meet up with any bite-ies and you are unable to get away fast be sure to use the Slish Slash Slosh slaying method to make sure they are dead and you are not.

Until the next time,

Stay safe.


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