Thank you for joining me and welcome to How To Kill Zombies with me Bernard Cooper
I am Bernard Cooper, and this is my blog all about everything zombie related including that very important information that everyone needs to know when the feared Zombie Apocalypse strikes… How To Kill Zombies!
It will happen one day, mark my words… in fact for me, it already has… I am living in a Zombie Apocalyptic world in a parallel universe and I am writing this blog sharing tips, advice and my adventures via a worm hole allowing me to connect with you all.
A little bit more about me:
I currently live in the protected safe zone in the south of England know as Southampton or as we prefer to call it South Rampton, named after the mental hospital come prison in Nottinghamshire. Just like Rampton Southampton is surrounded by huge metal fences and in places thick solid walls but unlike Rampton where they are designed to keep the crazies in, here there purpose is to keep the crazies, or ‘bite-ies’ as we call them, out.
After the great viral outbreak in 2015, we have been living in a zombie hell, it will be years before the UK is clear of the infection and all ‘bite-ies’. For Europe, Asia and Africa it could be longer, so far the virus has yet to penetrate the Americas and the Australasian Islands but it managed to penetrate the UK defences when they were in total shut down so it could be a matter of time when these other clean nations fall and if they do all hell will break loose on planet Earth.
As the UK tries to get back to some kind of normality my job as a postman has been saved albeit in a slightly different manner. The Royal Mail which was sold off by the Government in 2014 was taken back and put under Governmental control early 2016. There isn’t much mail to be delivered these days with industry all but destroyed and the population of the UK now at a record low but due to power shortages, lack of manpower and the saving of fuel many modern communication methods are not fully working so the Government decide that the main population which means people who are not in the Government, military or Government sanctioned organisations can only keep in contact with distant friends and relatives via the traditional ‘snail mail’ postal service.
Oddly this apocalyptic world we live in today has in fact made people more aware of what they had and lost and they now have a new found gratitude of what they do have and that means keeping in contact with family and friends has become a new priority and in many ways a past time. So now I deliver more hand written mail to and from people along with important Government mail, several years ago I was generally delivering junk mail and bills so it is good to know that these days the postal service is delivering letters of love and joy instead of suicide inducing debt reminders or ‘you must buy this useless shit whether or not you actually need it to be a happy person’ style marketing crap.
My job as a postman is similar to how it was before the infection struck but with one major and noticeable difference, I have my own military bodyguards. Just as I did before the world fell apart I drive to other towns and cities collecting and delivering mail, before it was just to the surrounding towns but now I can often be sent further afield to places like Sheffield, Manchester, Wales and on several occasions I have been as far north as Scotland. This time though I am part of a convoy of three vehicles.
I have a military Land Rover RWMIK in front of me with four armed soldiers and another following up behind with a further four heavily armed soldiers all ready for action should we bump into a pack of hungry ‘bite-ies’. Getting the mail around the UK is a major important job and the Government takes it seriously. Every postal van along with lorries delivering food, water, fuel and materials that is out in the danger zone are heavily guarded by a convoy of military vehicles and soldiers. Sometimes armed helicopters will join convoys in some of the worst areas.
The danger zone is basically the whole of the UK countryside including thousands of villages, towns and many cities. Even the safe cities are not all fully safe and are in fact smaller cities within cities separated from the dangerous areas by their own ‘Berlin walls’ and armed military towers. The danger zone has been given several nicknames like ‘no man’s land’ ‘zombie land’ ‘the bad lands’ and ‘bite-ies land’
A simple trip delivering mail just a few miles up the road can be a very eventful occasion resulting in a lot of gun fire and ‘bite-ies’ being shredded to bits by a hail of bullets. Even a quite uneventful drive can soon be disturbed by rifle fire as a soldier fires at a distant ‘bite-ie’ or infected dear, just because they can.
I might have my own personal convoy of armed soldiers but don’t think that I go out into the bad lands without being tooled up to the teeth. I can look after myself as you will know if you read the book ‘Bernard Cooper Zombie Slayer: The Great Outbreak Of 2015′ You will also know how I came about having a garage full of rifles, pistols, bullets and grenades. Believe me when I say that sometimes when you see what kit I carry with me in my van you would think I was there to protect the troops.
Ok, so are you ready to read one of my encounters with the infected? I shall go and take a good look in my diaries and find one of the craziest zombie slaying encounters I have had recently and post one very soon.
Bernard Cooper is a fictitious character created and written by Andi Leeman for CoolsMedia Ltd. More Bernard Cooper information is available from www.BernardCooper.com