2012 Zombie Apocalypse Film: Forget Being Bitten To Death You Will Die Laughing!!

Zombie_Apocalypse_DVDI decided that this evening I would not go out slaying zombies and watch a DVD as I had a very hard couple of days taking mail to the south Yorkshire safe zone of Sheffield. Pre ZA it would have taken four to five hours to drive there, drop the mail and another four or five hours drive back so I would normally be done in a day.

Now it takes a day to get there going through the endless roadblocks and checkpoints, driving around roads that are often filled with abandoned cars usually put there as ambushes by nonifs then there are the sudden attacks by hordes of bite-ies on the way home we had around fifty of the bastards coming running at us out of the trees on the road side.

Fortunately on trips like these I generally have an armed convoy with eight soldiers who are armed to the teeth so there were a lot of bullets and bloodshed but fortunately none of it was ours.

So tonight I decided to chill at home and watch an old film called Zombie Apocalypse starring the legendary Ving Rhames… after being in films like Pulp Fiction, Mission Impossible, Con Air and Dawn Of The Dead I was expecting it to be a good film however how wrong was I?

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This was a TV film and a bad one at that, now I am not one to really slate stuff as I believe if you have nothing good to say then say nothing at all. I don’t believe in people trying to be clever and show how intelligent they are because the can rip a thing to shreds in a multitude of quirky sayings and analogies. Say you don’t like something and why then move on, sooooooo…

I didn’t like it much… it was utter garbage however it was so bad that we had to keep watching it which then became the fun of the film. It’s awfulness was its saving grace, it meant we watched the whole film and oddly… enjoyed it.

The special effects were very low budget, the zombie makeup really was just stuff’stuck on people but instead of making them look all skin and bones it just made average sized ordinary people look like they had an external skeletal frame growing out of them… badly.

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As for the blood splatters and flying body parts, most of these were added later by some young trainee computer graphics animator. They reminded me of a playstation game from the early 2000s. The computerised zombie tigers at the end are so bad that it is pure genius.

Poor Ving Rhames and his fellow actors were trying to act as if they were fighting off these big zombie cats but it looked no better than the classic but very old Jason And The Argonauts film from the early 1960s. The Jason And The Argonauts film looks dated now but was groundbreaking back in the 60s and stayed great for many years.

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One part of the film that was so bad that it had me and Deb’s in hysterics rather than scared, Ving Rhames was stood with Lesley-Ann Brandt who played the samurai sword swinging Cassie who was firing a large machine gun which was sat on a tripod in a shopping trolley.

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The bullets are fed into these types of guns on a chain but while she was firing it and slaying a lot of chasing zombies you could clearly see that no bullets were being drawn into the gun and then they had added computer generated animation of empty cases being thrown from the gun.

It was so bad that it was brilliantly funny.

I would only recommend people watch this if they want to watch a really awful film for a giggle otherwise I would not recommend this film at all. The decision is yours but remember… it is 87 minutes of your life that you won’t get back if you do decide to watch it!

Stay Safe

Bernard.

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